What does it feel like when a founding wealth creator begins the passing of the baton to a group of multi-generational legacy builders? What does it take to devote attention and resources to both the collective “we,” while fully nurturing the equally critical “me,” of each family member and giving them the crucial components of both individual development and collective development and legacy fulfillment? What does financial prosperity mean for each member and the collective as a whole? How does the family solve the parallel of family harmony which requires a balance of technical and analytical considerations along with relational and emotional factors?
Typically, as wealth accumulates and family size increases, the focus of the entire family and the family office system shifts to complex legal, tax, insurance, and investment structures needed to protect, preserve, and grow that wealth, i.e., the collective “we.” For many multi-generational families, wealth accumulation is not merely about getting richer; it involves the daunting task of supporting numerous family households, each with unique needs, wants, lifestyles, and assets.
With an expanding family unit comes the necessity to embrace diverse perspectives and aspirations – both from bloodline and non-bloodline members – as well as the often-overlooked family office executives and their teams.
As this diversity of membership grows and emerges, designing and implementing governance structures become crucial for managing expectations and fostering an environment characterized by open communication, trust, transparency, and effective decision-making to support the evolving family dynamics.
However, as more resources and attention are devoted to the collective “we,” family offices often overlook the importance of individual development, which is essential for fostering functional, purposeful, and fulfilled family members. These qualities bring more enthusiasm, motivation, and ingenuity to the office, which contributes to a stronger, longer-lasting collective. These conversations at times can put the family office and the family at odds with each other. The personal aspirations can be perceived as taboo, or even selfish, in environments focused on managing the collective, “we” family vs. viewing “me to we and we to me.”
So, what happens when the family office continues to build the “we” at the cost of the “me?”
Changing this paradigm is critical. One unhappy or dysfunctional family member can disrupt the entire family system, leading to discord in an otherwise high-performing environment. A careful balance between “we” and “me” is necessary; as one family member remarked, “Your entitlement (outside view due to strong difference up upbringing and culture” is infecting the family and causing the challenge of building for the future generations.” When one member struggles, it impacts everyone even if they say it doesn’t. The intersection of family systems and formal systems (business, family office etc.) impacts all.
High Performance through Emotional Reciprocity
Building on the collective family, (we), legacy while nurturing each family member’s personal growth and identity development is crucial. If unresolved, this “we” vs. “me” tension risks diminishing individual contributions and hampering the family’s long-term success. It makes sense, then, that the long-term impact of successfully prioritizing both is critical even though challenging.
When “we” is also about “me,” the family members of the family and the office are intrinsically motivated to support the legacy. The resentment of being a casualty of the collective is replaced by a desire to support the entire system. Essentially, when the family system creates the conditions for individuals to express and develop their own path, each member becomes intrinsically motivated to support the legacy. Love and a deep sense of care and concern for each other are nurtured in this way.
It’s not as if family offices intentionally create this division. In fact, enduring family harmony is often mentioned as the top priority of family offices, but that ideal cannot be achieved without following a reliable model that elevates every “me” within the collective “we.” Accomplishing that calls for working within a new framework, emphasizing the six elements of wealth, the four governance structures that not only expand the capabilities of the family office, but also create a deeper bond and engagement on the part of individual members.
Four Key Focus Areas
There are four key areas of focus in this work to cultivate an environment for individual development and in turn enhance the family’s long-term goals.
- Justness is the ability to transcend the natural hierarchies by inviting all voices to shape the future, with the knowledge that today’s decisions will impact on those who arrive at the table tomorrow.
- Mutuality is emotional reciprocity and connection on a shared journey making room for individual growth paths.
- Ingenuity is the capacity to pursue personal ambition in a way that is unique and untested, yet also honors the opportunity the legacy provides.
- Intrinsic Motivation is the ability to move beyond obligation and compliance, in order to show up authentically because the family office endeavor is mutually rewarding.
Collectively, these principles work within and through each other, weaving into every segment of the successful family and family office. Through mutuality, the family fosters an environment where personal ambition aligns with shared purpose, empowering members to set meaningful goals and see their achievements as part of something greater. Ingenuity is encouraged because it builds self-efficacy. Self-efficacy means an individual believes they can execute a task successfully. It gives family members the confidence to explore innovative ideas, push boundaries, and persist through challenges.
When fairness, trust, accountability with reliability is upheld, the entire system has a sense of justness. These critical areas of the family development work in conjunction to build an environment of intrinsic motivation, where personal growth aligns with family values and fosters mutual respect.
Within this framework, the younger generation is encouraged to pursue ingenuity while carving their own path, as the older generation begins to nurture the next set of leaders with their wisdom, tacit, and explicit knowledge. The older generation can also pursue ingenuity by exploring new interests or old topics and skills they had to push aside. This framework supports both the family legacy and individual identities through an “Ethic of Care.” It promotes collaboration and mutual support, helping to mitigate power struggles and harmonize collective and individual goals. Developing these areas can be the guardrails for enduring trust, goodwill, and harmony that form a foundation of appreciation and support for every branch within the system.
These guiding principles can hold the potential to unlock a culture where ambition is identified as an asset, and success becomes a shared experience. Ambition often generates creativity which reinforces the interest in establishing the family office generations before. Then, it becomes about much more than just preserving wealth. It’s about creating an environment where every member grows, performs, and leads. And most of all, shows and feel valued.
Compounding Value: Traits of the “Me” that Strengthen the Legacy of the “We”
While the overarching family goal is a legacy that provides security, opportunity, and choice for future generations, prioritizing personal development is one of the greatest gifts for each generation to feel valued, develop self-efficacy, and contribute meaningfully to the family’s mission. Going forward, it is important to adopt models that reduce isolation, alienation, and generational trauma within all generations. Rigid adherence to tradition in the form of submissive rules may stifle individual identity, leading to disengagement from the family’s mission.